Like most fan’s of The Wire, I was thrilled to learn that CBS is in talks with creator David Simon to bring the show back for a sixth season. Of course, the transition from HBO to a broadcast network means there are bound to be some changes. We should all reserve judgment until we see the finished product, but perhaps these notes from one of the network execs to Simon can give us a little taste of what we can expect.
Dave,
Can’t tell you how excited I am about CBS being in The Wire business. You won’t catch me saying it at The Mentalist cast party, but I think The Wire is the greatest show the medium of TV has ever produced. If it were up to me, we’d just write you a check and let you do your thing. But we gotta be real. This ain’t HBO; it’s TV. And we’re gonna need you to make a few tiny tweaks to make the show fit with our brand.
- Kima’s great. But she’s what, black, Asian, and a lesbian? That’s just a little much for the CBS audience. We’re going to need you to cut that back to at most two things. I love Sonja Sohn, so my suggestion is just retcon her ex-girlfriend into an ex-boyfriend. But we can recast if you’re really stuck on the lesbian thing.
- Either way, keep the kid. That “Goodnight Moon” scene was tops. But maybe age him up just a little. We’re thinking we mix a little domestic comedy into every ep to take some of the edge off the cop stuff. Cute kid is perfect for that. Maybe give him a catchphrase, sell some t-shirts. One of the 2.5 Men guys suggested “Mommy, I’m wired!”, which I love, but maybe you can top it.
- Selling ad time for this project is gonna be a little tricky, so we’re looking into some alternative revenue streams. Long story short: Unless the Jameson people make us a better offer, from now on McNulty drinks Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
- This one is probably gonna be a hard sell, so let me preface it with two observations: First, Michael B. Jordan has become quite the popular and sought after actor since your first season. Second, Baltimore has a long history of associations with the supernatural, going all the way back to Edgar Allan Poe. Now, with that in mind, how do these two words grab you: Ghost Wallace
- Hamsterdam: Part of this deal is that you grant us an exclusive right to the Hamsterdam name and trademark, under which we will develop an animated series about a small community of “poor but proud” anthropomorphic hamsters who, despite the institutional failings and temptations of their urban home, learn lessons each week about saying no to drugs and crime. We respect your vision for The Wire, but if it’s going to air on CBS we really feel like we need Hamsterdam on the schedule for balance. While we don’t expect much cross over between the two shows, we would like to incorporate Bubbles (in animated hamster form) into Hamsterdam. We think this makes sense because his long arc on The Wire has been brought to a satisfying conclusion, and because Bubbles is such a great hamster name.
Pretty minor stuff, right? Like I said, we think the first five seasons of The Wire are pretty near perfect, and the last thing we want to do is to ask you to compromise that legacy. Have your people call my people, and we’ll get the papers signed sometime next week.
Glenn
